I know what you're thinking, "why on earth would you waste any of your precious time recapping The Bachelorette: Ashley and Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version's Wedding (or whatever the heck it was called)? Actually the better question would probably be "why on earth would you waste any of your precious time actually watching this two-hour special?" Well... I didn't have anything better to do on a Sunday night, and, well... that's all I got. Ok, I'll admit, as annoying as I have always found Ashley, she's like a high-energy little yapping dog with a five-head, Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version and Ashley have always been my favorite couple that the show has ever produced. Now yes, host Chris Harrison took time out from his busy schedule of hosting the upcoming Bachelor (premiering January 7th ("on ABC" (thanks, Chris))) and, well,Elegant Empire Wedding Dresses in chiffon. just being Chris Harrison, which I'm certain is a full-time job, leaving him only time to show up at the Rose Ceremony to inform us that, yes, that last rose laying on the table is the final rose of the night, to not only host, but also officiate "the wedding of the year." (Yes, I know that was a total run-on sentence, and I'm fine with that... even though it probably didn't make any sense.) So, as we meander our way in a drunken stupor down the aisle, let's do things a little different from the usual blog and just recap a few of the night's "bests:" 

Best Keep on Living that Dream: Chris, always one to tout that romantical power of The Bachelor/Bachelorette, trotted out other Bachelor-made couples, Trista and Ryan (whose lips I'm pretty sure did not touch when they went in for a kiss after Chris interviewed them) and Jason (of "Pulling a Jason" fame) and Molly (nearly unrecognizable and pregnant),We provide rental service on a variety of Wedding Dress Shops, qua and tuxedos, etc. and then rattled off of all the other couples who "found love" as part of the cast of The Bachelor, names that me, nor anyone else recognized (though if Chris used Primetime Rewind-endorsed nicknames, I'm sure we all would've known who he was talking about!)! 

Best Fashion Sense: When the happy couple (don't let my cynicism dissuade you from the fact that I totally love this couple, as "cynicism" is my job... no really, it's on my resume) brought both of their families together to announce their wedding plans, both Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version and Ashley's dad, last seen sporting a flannel shirt that I also own, were both wearing suede elbow-patched sport jackets. And, let's be honest, maybe Ashley should start taking fashion tips from Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version. And, well, Kevin M. Kawa, real life-version. 

Best Camera Hog: Hotter Sister (yes, I had to go back into the archives and make sure that I got right the nickname of Ashley's tatted-up sister), who took every opportunity she could to upstage Ashley, as she did during both Ashley's original run as The Bachelorette and during her season as the apple of Bachelor Brad's eye. However, where she once responded to Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version's question of if Hotter Sister would be unhappy if he proposed to Ashley with a nod, this time she admitted that she was wrong to rush to judgment, and now considers him like a brother. So long as he stays out of her camera-line. 

Best "See I Told You So, We Were Meant to Be Together:" While taking a trip down memory lane, Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version gives Ashley a photo of them, all decked out in wedding-attire, for the photo shoot they did in Taiwan, during their original run on the show. Now, as someone who believes in signs, as in music cues, or lines from books, or pet names, or a photo showing true happiness, seeing these two as bride and groom, no matter how awkward it was at the time, only looks like a foreshadowing on how they were meant to be. Yay signs! 

Best Say Yes to the Dress Moment: Oh wait, I said best, and, as the show was two-hours long, weren't you expecting more than just a final fitting for Ashley in her wedding dress? Yeah, I was too, especially because the dress she chose was pretty plain. The open back and beadwork were top-notch, but the fabric of the fitted dress left it bunching in her mid-section, and the front, save some beaded shoulder-pads, was pretty plain. Overall, I did not say yes to that dress! 

Best Recurring Character: Whereas "Every Kiss Beings with Kay," "Every Failed Bachelor/Bachelorette Romance Begins with Neil Lane," The Bachelor's resident jeweler, who once again made an appearance, with, at least to me, his unbuttoned top-couple-of-buttons-and-chest-hair combo being more distracting than the bands the two were shopping for, though Ashley did prove that she knew exactly what Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version likes, guessing correctly the one he would pick out of an array of bands. Of course, in true Bachelor-ineptitude, we then did not even get to see the ring! I mean, come on, a wedding isn't just for the bride! Oh wait, yeah it is. 

Worst What Happens in Scottsdale, Stays in Scottsdale Moment: Oh wow, this one is really hard to decide, but I'll have to go with a tie between Kevin M.Shop PromGirl for maggie sottero wedding dress and pageant gowns with high low hemlines. Kawa, Bachelorette-version's face glued onto Ashley's nail during a manicure and Ashley's pole dancing. I know great shimmies, and you Ashley are no great shimmier. 

Best Thing About the Whole Show: Yes, the easy answer would be "when it ended," but come on, when have I ever taken the easy way out (no matter the odds, I never give up)?!? No, the best part of the night was reserved for host/officiate, Chris Harrison. I mean,Looking for the ideal dress to wear for A-Line Wedding Dresses? who wouldn't want Chris to officiate their wedding, though, I hear you might want to go with a cash bar if he's going to show up to the reception. 

Best Bathroom Break Moment: In anticipation of living up to the title of the "Most Romantic Event Ever," the two practiced their altar kiss, with Ashley wanting a big, long one (as in a kiss), with Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version preferring two short, side-to-side kisses.Freeshipping cute ball gown wedding dress rural ring set . Now I won't give my opinion, as I'm a pretty excellent kisser (just saying), but I am happy to report that although Ashley did get her long kiss, Kevin M. Kawa, Bachelorette-version was able to sneak in there, at the last second, and get that second kiss in. At least one version of Kevin M. Kawa gets what he wants!